Theirs is a not-so-typical love story.

Boy meets girl, falls in love, and she pops the question: “Do you want to be a foster parent?”

Recalling the moment, Mdm Far’ain Jaafar and Mr Syafiq Sunardi, both 35, laugh. “I knew that if I were to get married and have my own home one day, I want to be a foster parent,” says Mdm Far’ain, who is an educator and a children’s book author. 

That was less than three months into the relationship.

They met as secondary school students in a leadership programme, and started dating in their early 20s. The couple has been married since 2012. They have a nine-year-old son and a five-year-old daughter.

Mr Syafiq, a civil servant, reacted to the question quizzically: “I thought it was like adoption.”

It’s a common misconception that they have since encountered with families and friends, says Mdm Far’ain, who first found out about fostering when she was 19 and volunteering at a children’s home.

Fostering is a temporary care arrangement, with the goal of reuniting children with their birth families once they can resume care.

With greater understanding, Mr Syafiq embraced the idea: “It’s for the good of the community, so I am all for it.”

The couple has been foster parents since 2017, after moving into their four-room Housing Board flat the year before.

Building a family

Their first foster children were two babies, arriving when their son was just three. It was also the year Mdm Far’ain started writing the first of six children’s books, which are published in both English and Malay.

Taking care of two babies at once, on top of her toddler, demanded adjustments. Mr Syafiq, who does shift work, made changes to his work schedule so he could help out at home during the day.

Mdm Far’ain works from home, but sometimes has to travel for meetings or to conduct programmes in schools. She runs an education company that develops and implements training programmes for pre-school pupils to secondary school students.

“I don’t know how we survived, but we did,” Mdm Far’ain says. To help defray costs, MSF provides foster parents with a monthly allowance of $1,100 for every child they foster.

They found strength in each other – and their shared purpose. Says Mr Syafiq: “When it’s tough, we always revisit our intention” to provide kids with a loving environment and care for them while their families are unable to do so.

“As a parent myself, I know that if anything were to happen to us, I would want my children to be cared for in the best way possible,” says Mdm Far’ain. “That’s why we care for our foster children to the best of our abilities.”

Rediscovering play

The couple has since welcomed three other foster children. They are now caring for their fifth foster child, who is around the same age as their children.

Each child has a unique story, traits and vulnerabilities. Some need more support than others, shares Mdm Far’ain.

At their foster care worker’s suggestion, the couple underwent additional parenting courses such as trauma-informed care so they can better understand the needs of every child. This is on top of the foundation and intermediate training courses which all foster parents must go through.

Training is provided for free by the Ministry of Social and Family Development, and is held on Saturday mornings at the Social Service Institute. There is also an on-site childcare service for parents who need it.

One thing that Mdm Far’ain notices often: Their foster children’s hesitance to play. At the playground, for example, coaxing is needed before they explore slides or climb nets.

“They seem to have lost the ability to be a child,” says Mdm Far’ain.

That’s where her own children come in. They become the bridge, gently guiding their foster siblings back into the world of carefree play.

Soon, the house echoes with laughter as they swing wildly in the living room. This is usually followed by the gleeful deconstruction of towers built with magnetic tiles, one of their favourite games. 

What do the children treasure most about their shared life? The children reply with a word: “Play!”

It’s in these tender moments that Mdm Far’ain and Mr Syafiq find their greatest reward. Watching them blossom, she says, and rediscovering the magic of childhood.

Saying goodbye

Fostering has its share of heartache. Saying goodbye is inevitable – the bittersweet reality of the temporary nature of their care. 

There is no fixed duration as to how long a foster child stays with them, as this is assessed on a case-by-case basis. For Mdm Far’ain and Mr Syafiq, this period ranges from half a year to more than four years.

“Mentally, I know this,” acknowledges Mdm Far’ain. “But I still go through the emotional part of it, the grieving: I won’t hear their laughter anymore, I won’t see them anymore. I’ll miss them.”

Still, they find solace in the impact they’ve made. For Mr Syafiq, it’s the knowledge that each child leaves “with a bag full of experiences”, equipped with not just life skills but also a newfound sense of belonging.

And with every child that they care for, their hearts grow a little bigger, adds Mdm Far’ain. “They never leave our hearts. We still talk about them and think about them. Their pictures are still on our walls.”

Caring for children in need

What is fostering?

Children who are aged below 18 and cannot safely stay with their birth families due to abuse, neglect or abandonment issues may be placed in foster care. This temporary care arrangement prioritises the child’s safety and well-being by providing them with a stable and loving family environment.

The goal is to reunite the children with their birth families, once they can resume safe and suitable care for the child.

Who can become foster parents?

You will need to:

• Be married and apply together as a couple
• Be at least 25 years old
• Be medically fit to care for children
• Have at least a secondary school education
• Preferably have experience in caring for children
• Have a minimum monthly household income of $2,000 and a per capita income of at least $700. Retirees can apply to be assessed based on non-work sources of income and savings
• Commit to provide a child-safe home environment, such as not using physical punishment like caning or hitting. If you’re caring for a child below the age of 13, you will also need a child-safe environment that includes having safety grilles on all windows

What type of support is available?

MSF provides various financial support to help defray the costs of supporting a foster child. This includes a monthly allowance of $1,100 for every foster child ($1,500 if the child has special needs); childcare and student care subsidies; and medical subsidies which cover treatment at polyclinics, public hospitals and public specialist centres.

Foster parents will also need to complete foundation and intermediate training courses, which are free and are held on Saturday mornings. There is also an on-site childcare service. These courses aim to help equip them with basic knowledge and skills on fostering and positive parenting.

In partnership with the Ministry of Social and Family Development, in support of the Year of Celebrating Volunteers